Not 70%
Not lasting long
But totally in the right place at the right time.
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Not ill, but not totally well either.
Too tired for any more open-eyes-reading. Absolutely grateful for Audible. Cannot really feel it yet.
But I know it. And I appreciate every single second of extra daylight, and every tiny little steps that brings us closer to spring! Having a kind of spring sensation in the middle of CPH today. Coming home from the gym, and having this little/big guy meeting me with a smile, a hug and a "Mom, I am just so happy today. Don't know why. I just am".
In that moment, nothing else in the whole wide world matters! Woke up late today, but still with only 5 hours on my battery.
Could be the lack of sleep that shaped my mood. Whatever the reason, the day seemed a bit blue when I opened my eyes. Concentration was poor, energy was quite low, and chances were, this could turn out to be a day without much content. A day I would hardly remember - even looking back tomorrow. And what's wrong with that, some could argue; Not every day has be positive, mindful, happy or meaningful. Sometimes we need to face reality, deal with our problems and accept that life doesn't only sparkle. Sometimes life even sucks. So deal with it. Some has also argued that Facebook, and other social medias have created an unhealthy culture where we only share our ideal self, and while doing that, we place a huge pressure on others. And least but not last, some has argued that e.g. positive psychology, "the mindfulness wave", and the emotional awareness approach individualizes conditions as e.g. depression, stress, anxiety and eating disorders, neglecting social responsibility and neglecting the feeling of inadequacy that can be the result of "the appreciative inquiry cult". I totally get these valid arguments, and I see them as inevitable backlashes to years of intensive focus on positivity and personal development. And I think they are right, those critics. Non of us lead a perfect life. No one is, or can be, happy and thankful all the time. Having worked in consultancy for almost 15 years now, having listened to the stories of hundreds and hundreds of people, I know that even the most perfect looking surface has cracks, and even the most powerful person can feel vulnerable. I've also personally experienced how inadequate you can feel when you try to bring light into the life of a loved one suffering from depression. A positive mindset isn't the solution to everything. But I have also witnessed hundreds and hundreds of times, how mindset and thoughts shapes feelings and actions. And I've seen how much energy and determination there can actually be established when someone starts dealing with their mindset and thoughts. Energy and determination is indeed needed no matter what challenges, problems, hopes and dreams you might have, even if you want or need other people to be involved or to cooperate with you. So in my opinion it's not either or. It's not focusing on gratitude at the expenses of dealing with whatever challenges you might face. It's not focusing on joy or happiness at the expenses of acknowledging pain or sadness. It's not taking individual responsibility at the expenses of involving other people, asking for help or holding someone else accountable in certain cases. And it is not focusing on own feelings and inner state at the expenses of social engagement or the bigger picture. It all co-exists. And for as long as we have the choice, why not then try to aim for moments that brings us joy and gratitude? Maybe even a glimpse of happiness? On days like today, I could easily choose to "stay true" to the feeling that first occurred to me when opening my eyes. I could choose to get my mind occupied with the things in my life that is not the way I would love them to be, and I could allow such thoughts to turn me blue as a smurf. I could also ignore the feelings and the thoughts, and just do what has to be done. Or; I could drink a lot of coffee, get dressed, and then go chase the winter sunbeams between the naked threes. Which - for the last part - was exactly what I decided to do. And the result? Well, the blues was gone within less than 10 minutes, thoughts shifted, focus was gained, and I returned home after 2 hours un-smurfed and red-cheeked. And it actually turned out to be a pretty nice Saturday! Been out dancing tonight. Don't know if my dancing looked as delicate as these reeds dancing in the Copenhagen storm - just before dusk - on my way to meet a beautiful friend. But well who cares. I totally enjoyed it!!!
Made me thankful to be able to walk around safely in Copenhagen at night; from work, to dinner, to the club and even late at night heading home. I know it's not always like that. But at least most of the time it still is. And I am very grateful for being able to feel safe in the streets. And I am grateful how people can sometimes surprise you in wonderful ways. A man heading towards me. Clearly very drunk. Approaching me, and asking if he can ask me a question. I deliberately chose to be friendly, even though I was alone, and I had no idea what he wanted. And then he said; "I just want to wish you a very pleasant weekend, and a VERY Happy New Year". Returned his wishes with gratitude, and smile for a long time afterwards. ...And now writing this at 04.26 pm. I am extremely grateful to be back home and on my way to bed :-) Honestly, today hasn't been one of the easier days to catch gratitude just flying around.
Spend most of the day searching and trying real hard. But evening came, and still no obvious pop ups. I've learned by now that if they don't turn up by themselves, those small gratitude moments, I'll just have to create them myself. ...And well, "just" might not be the accurate word, since it doesn't always feel that simple. However having set my mind on 365 days of gratitude, and not one single day of exception, I just had to make the effort. And that's when I remembered a time, two or three years ago, when I told a really dear friend that I would looove some more "sparkles" in my life. A few days later she turned up with a tube filled with sparkling colored thingies. I have saved this tube carefully. Maybe for a day like this. So I went to get them in the kitchen closet. Poured them out all over the table, placed the headphones in my ears, played the same song over and over again, while letting my hands run over the sparkling surface. Little by little the rhythm took over. Blues left, and appreciation appeared. I know it sound really stupid! And I am quite convinced it actually is. I am also 100% sure my little gimmick won't work for everyone! Actually only for a very few of us ;-) But that doesn't matter. That's not the point! Each and every one of us can find a way to trick our brain to believe that we are joyful or grateful. Even when we're not. The brain won't know the difference between real joy, and a foolish way of joy, like the one I created tonight. After a short while the old brain will start sending signals to the body as well as the younger cognitive part of the brain. Signals of joy, appreciation and then possibly a feeling of gratitude. The task here is to figure out, how to trick our brain the easiest way, in case it needs to be tricked. And for most people it's needed once in a while. My brain is a sucker for music and movement! Psychical movement as well as people who move me. So that's what I went for tonight - and I succeeded. Driving to work. Passing by signs leading tourist towards The Little Mermaid.
Detecting a slight feeling of embarrassment. I mean she is so tiny... And almost at the very same time, a feeling of gratitude unfolds. While having international news floating around on my mind, I pass by the tiny Little Mermaid, line up next to 4 (!) tourists in the rain, shoot this photo and identify a sincere feeling of appreciation. Early early early. The kids have been served breakfast in bed this morning. Candles as their only light, while trying to wake gently. Husband's still sleeping, and I am goofing around, totally not awake myself either.
Alone in the kitchen listening to soft music, and enjoying the first sip of fresh made coffee. All of a sudden the beat takes me away, and my entire body is filled with the most wonderful feeling of magic. There is no particular reason at all. But who cares. Makes me feel happy, blessed and excited. Bobble blowers standing behind me in the kitchen windows, reach out and creates small bobbles of joy. Bobbles of joy that send my kids off to school. And some of them landing in the mouth of a foolish dog... Copenhagen, I am ready to spend my day with you! |
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January 2016
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