Stumbled upon some old pictures of my kids early this morning.
A few looks, and a roller coaster of emotions just hit me real hard!!
I don't know if any of you have had that experience as well, but so many times during their childhood I have WISHED that life had a freeze function. I have wished so bad that I could just put life on hold for a while while exploring a specific period of my children's life a bit more. Or dwell on the sweet moments of their childhood a bit longer. Or that I could have stayed right there next to them watching them play, sing or sleep, hold them close, breathe their smell, touch their soft skin or hear them laugh, for months or years, without time and life passing by.
Just soaking the utter most out of every tiny bit of every second for a bit longer - or maybe very much longer.
But I never succeed. Live continued and time kept passing by. And suddenly 10 years have passed.
No matter how much I enjoy my life with them today and how much I love them today! No matter how proud I am of what they've become. No matter how much I enjoy the freedom I've gained as an adult, and the life that can be shared with more grown children, and no matter how many good memories these pictures contained this morning, I simply couldn't deny the pain within.
Looking back on the past, like I did this morning, I was reminded how fast time flies.
And I could not help wondering if I had actually enjoyed every second sufficiently, when I had the chance.
Could I perhaps have squeezed just a little more presence out of every second of life lived back then?
I guess what hurts the most at times like this, is the fact that no matter how much you might wanna do it all over again, you simply cannot go back and repeat any single second. Those days are gone.
So my day today started with a very clear feeling of pain, and followed by way too many tears for me to be sure that it wasn't visible during my first meeting a few minutes later...
But what made me grateful even while feeling the pain and having my make-up ruined by tears, was the fact that I have actually had a chance to know love in a way that can cause a pain like this.
And that is worth EVERY tear that I will ever have to cry!
A few looks, and a roller coaster of emotions just hit me real hard!!
I don't know if any of you have had that experience as well, but so many times during their childhood I have WISHED that life had a freeze function. I have wished so bad that I could just put life on hold for a while while exploring a specific period of my children's life a bit more. Or dwell on the sweet moments of their childhood a bit longer. Or that I could have stayed right there next to them watching them play, sing or sleep, hold them close, breathe their smell, touch their soft skin or hear them laugh, for months or years, without time and life passing by.
Just soaking the utter most out of every tiny bit of every second for a bit longer - or maybe very much longer.
But I never succeed. Live continued and time kept passing by. And suddenly 10 years have passed.
No matter how much I enjoy my life with them today and how much I love them today! No matter how proud I am of what they've become. No matter how much I enjoy the freedom I've gained as an adult, and the life that can be shared with more grown children, and no matter how many good memories these pictures contained this morning, I simply couldn't deny the pain within.
Looking back on the past, like I did this morning, I was reminded how fast time flies.
And I could not help wondering if I had actually enjoyed every second sufficiently, when I had the chance.
Could I perhaps have squeezed just a little more presence out of every second of life lived back then?
I guess what hurts the most at times like this, is the fact that no matter how much you might wanna do it all over again, you simply cannot go back and repeat any single second. Those days are gone.
So my day today started with a very clear feeling of pain, and followed by way too many tears for me to be sure that it wasn't visible during my first meeting a few minutes later...
But what made me grateful even while feeling the pain and having my make-up ruined by tears, was the fact that I have actually had a chance to know love in a way that can cause a pain like this.
And that is worth EVERY tear that I will ever have to cry!
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